HOW TO SPEND YOUR HOLIDAY
&
ETIQUETTE
CONTENTS
Contents
Foreword
Activities during a vacation
Complete freedom but with benefits
(Etiquette)
Introduction
Apparel/Attire (Dress codes)
During an excursion/sight seeing
When listening to lectures etc
Eating together
Holding a conversation/discussion
Being a host
Proper manners when visiting
Being a guest
Proper conducts in a gathering
Examples of proper behaviors
Ethics of borrowing
Can we endeavor to know someone's secrets?
Corresponding
Additions
FOREWORD
This boarding school emphasizes educating its student proper education more than the subjects taught.
We are thankful with the improvement of the standard of the materials taught in this boarding school that went side by side with the education and guidance given by its teachers and administrators.
It is common for this boarding school to give general lecture before the start of a holiday that touches on;
- the philosophy of education in life
- analysis of the community (socialization)
- noble character, moral values etc
with hope that it will serve as a guide that will help to shape their characters and behaviors in the future.
This small dictation was taken from the speeches given by the first director of ITTC - KH Imam Zarkasyi – regarding etiquette.
We hope that it will be useful and used as a guide to perfect the nation's values and characteristics with the sole intention of raising the word of Allah.
Wassalam.
ACTIVITIES DURING A VACATION
FREE TIME HAS TO BE FILLED,
OCCUPY YOURSELF BY DOING ACTIVITIES WHICH ARE HEALTHY AND INDEPENDENT BUT BENEFICIAL,
REST AND SPEND THE DAILY, WEEKLY, MONTHLY AND YEARLY VACATIONS WISELY.
To take a vacation doesn't mean to be free from doing all activities but the actual meaning of vacationing is to replace one activity with another, with the intention to renew one's spirit and to get rid of tiredness and boredom.
It is not permissible to sit idly because one can easily be influenced by his own lust and desires and by Satan.
إِنَّ الشَّباَبَ وَ الْفَرَاغَ وَ الْجِدَةَ مُفْسِدَةٌ لِلْمَرْءِ أَيَّ مُفْسَدَةٍ
To change from sitting to standing, from standing to walking or from writing to reading is the real meaning of taking a rest.
Vacationing doesn't mean that it is permissible for you to let go of all the desires surpressed while studying etc, until everything that was forbidden then becomes permissible now.
Don't consider studying as a burden and a torment but think of it as an obligation and a responsibility upon you.
Can we engage in activities to entertain ourselves during the vacation?
Yes we can, with conditions;
- search for activities which are beneficial and healthy, not just to waste your time.
- spend your free time wisely. Take the opportunity to do something meaningful.
Spend your vacation in a respected manner according to the
morals and values of a respectable person.
COMPLETE FREEDOM BUT WITH BENEFITS
There are a lot of activities that is healthy and beneficial to
spend your vacation with. Choose an activity that is
appropriate for a particular time and place while giving
priority to the one that has the most benefit such as:
I. Reading
- choose books of quality; Islamic history, history of
the Prophets etc. Don't choose books with romantic
themes or obscenities with indecent pictures.
- hold group discussions to discuss the content of a
book to expand your horizon and knowledge.
This can be done with the participation of one or two persons with the same views and opinions.
II. Reciting the Qur'an
- learning and practicing the recitation of the Qur'an,
completing its recitation at least once during the
holiday.
- improving the tajweed or reading the tafseer.
- memorizing short chapters and selected verses,
memorization is easier and faster if done in
tranquility with full concentration.
III. Learning while helping others
- don't turn away from doing household chores, don't
be shy in your own house, it is a sign of a low self
esteem.
- don't be a stranger in your own house/country.
- help with your parents' work/occupation.
IV. Clean the house/your room
- bedrooms, toilets, front yard, terrace etc.
- cobwebs, walls and so on for a healthy and a
beautiful environment.
V. Studying additional materials/subjects
Learn materials not obtained in class or subjects that was taught in class but in need of additional knowledge, e.g;
1. Singing; practicing, learning, teaching songs which
are decent and not immoral.
2. Learning, teaching or practicing how to play
musical instruments (flute, guitar, harmonica etc).
3. Learning to read and write musical notes.
4. Exploring and trying new sports and athletic activities such as football, table tennis, volley ball etc.
5. Learning local dialects and its alphabets such as Javanese, Balinese etc.
6. Learning new skills and craftmanships;
- styles of writing Latin and Arabic words
- bookbinding
- making picture frames, paintings or glazing
glasses with cardboard or plywood
- arrange photographs in photo albums
- repairing sport's equipment (racquet, nettings
etc)
- sewing or mending clothes (as what was taught
in Scout's movement)
7. Writing essays, poetries, articles etc.
Writing is important to expand your power of thinking and to increase your awareness and to sharpen your observation of things.
Writing demands intellectual strength plus a strong desire. The intellect of a person is not measured by how much knowledge he possessed but by his will and desire and his thinking capacity.
This strength can only be realized through constant training, example; writing sermons, articles, speeches and so on.
Don't be discouraged if your writing is not accepted or used but be thankful if it is accepted. Don't let writing be a hindrance from studying but think of it as an added encouragement for it.
8. Finding and compiling words or sentences from the
dictionary or from sentences that is used daily.
9. Revising the subjects taught in class or answering
examination questions.
10. Reading
sentences/structures and try to find its meaning
and usage.
VI. To go on an excursion occasionally
Going out on a trip for researches to learn new things or to broaden your knowledge.
It is recommended to go in a group (study tour) with a coordinated objective and a specific intention, e.g;
a. visiting the zoo, museum etc, observe and the
conform what you saw with what you have learned
in Biology or Geography and so on.
b. picnicking and bask in the beauty of nature.
c. visiting factories or industrial facilities.
It is better to arrange the tour with the participation of the factory's management or by an expert in that particular industry. It don't have to be a big factory, as long as it will generate a lot of interest and arouse the curiosity.
d. visiting historical places and ancient sites
- Temples Borobudur , Prambanan.
- Colonial sites and estates.
- Historical mosques such as Kudus, Ngampel.
- Burial sites of saints (wali) or prominent leaders
such as Sunan Giri, Sunan Ngampel etc, not to
ask for their supplications but to supplicate for
them and to remember their merits and
historical backgrounds.
VII. Scout's activities
The main purpose for scout's activities is to complete the educational materials taught in school and at home. Always remember the main goal of a scout (as what you have learned in mahfudzot).
VIII. During the month of Ramadhan
- Reciting the Qur'an in a group (tadarrus).
- Read the translation or the explanation (tafseer) of
the Qur'an in a group.
- Teaching younger children the recitation of the
Qur'an, rituals of worship, meaning of the verses,
supplications etc.
- Teaching or delivering short sermons after the
Tarawih prayers. It doesn't have to be long and
complicated but done with a good preparation.
IX. Closing
All the examples mentioned above;
- have educational benefits
- to spend your free time wisely
- to increase personal skills and overall healthiness
ETIQUETTE
INTRODUCTION
What is ethics?
It means good manners or behaviors, customs and traditions, moral values etc. It is also known as etiquette.
Good manners can be divided into two categories;
a. physical (external) values
b. spiritual (internal) values
Moral values, commendable characters and principles are included in what is called spiritual values whereas physical values include movements, politeness and to dress properly.
Advance nations placed special emphasize on implementing these values. Some of them even institutionalized it in their state laws, especially for nations still in their democratic infancy/evolution.
Western nations place too much emphasize in physical values whereas eastern nations emphasizes spiritual values.
As for us as Muslims, we placed both values on equal basis.
Some might ask, why do we have to give so much importance in physical values when Allah only sees the spiritual side of us?
Correct......but that is for Allah, whereas mankind mostly judges a person by his appearance. That is why we must also give preference to physical values too.
A lot of subjects touch on spiritual values with its scope wide and profound such as Tasawwuf, Adab and Akhlaq.
As for physical values, it is sad to say that not many give special attention to it especially in religious schools, even though its implementation is easier with the motto of "as long as it is not filthy or dirty it is ok".
Not for showing off or arrogance but for the sake of raising the word of Allah by showing good manners and good morals.
Proper conducts and politeness have to be appropriated according to the situation, time and place and with whom you are associating with.
But it doesn't mean that it is permissible for you to sell your principles and religious values in order to conform to contemporary values and trends.
Even though there are a lot of interpretations as what is considered as good values, as long as it is based on good intentions the result won't be disappointing.
Ethics should be based on;
a. conscience
b. modesty
c. sincerity
We will start with what is generally accepted as good values in a community because of the diverseness of these physical values and the differences of its interpretation especially between western and eastern nations.
APPAREL/ATTIRE (DRESS CODES)
How should we attire ourselves?
We must first consider; the combination, its overall cleanliness and the situation.
a. T-shirt and boxers/shorts/briefs
- Only as undergarments and in the room.
b. Sarong (with a belt)
- The sarong should be secured with a belt so that it
won't fall off easily.
- Don't wear it too high or too low below the ankles.
c. Trousers/long pants
- Normal
- Teenagers should wear long trousers.
- With shoes.
d. Coat
- The dress code/combination to be observed when
putting on a coat;
a. trousers, shirt, coat, shoes (necktie)
b. sarong, shirt, coat, rimless cap (songkok), sandals
e. Rimless cap (songkok/kopiah)
- Choose one that is not too high or too short.
- Don't tilt it sideways when wearing it.
- Don't tilt it towards the face or the back of the head.
f. Hat/cap
- According to the situation and place.
- Don't wear a hat in the house.
g. Clogs
- Only for entering the toilet or the bathroom.
- Don't drag or make clomping noises when putting it
on.
h. Pajamas
- Only for sleeping, not for something official or when
welcoming guests etc.
Can we open/take off our shirts?
- Can, if you have to, but only if your own room.
What should we wear when we want to offer a prayer?
- We should be properly attired with clean clothes.
- Don't degrade ourselves in front of others by disrespecting
our rituals of worship.
What should we wear for wedding receptions etc?
- It is permissible to dress-up when attending wedding
receptions/gatherings.
When offering our condolences?
- Dress modestly according to the situation.
- Don't wear something extravagant or striking/glaring.
When attending official matters (offices etc) or sight seeing or receiving guests?
- Dress properly, modestly and clean.
- Torn clothes can still be worn if need be, on condition that
it has been mended and still clean.
DURING AN EXCURSION/SIGHT SEEING
1. Look straight ahead when walking, don't turn your head
left and right unless the need arises.
Can we look into other people's houses through the
windows?
2. Follow the rules of that particular country (e.g; driving
on the left side of the road as in most asian countries).
Avoid from using shortcuts when walking.
3. Guard your eyes from wandering wildly (like a thief).
4. Don't point your hand/fingers toward someone when trying to tell something. Not all people like to be pointed at. Use gestures.
5. When walking with a person older than you, walk behind
him to the side and carry his things if the situation
arises.
6. Don't walk about when in the bus. Sit properly and
adapt yourself to the situation.
7. Ask the person next to a vacant seat politely if the seat has been taken before sitting.
8. Don't be selfish and ignorant, think about other
passengers. Ask for permission first before smoking.
Offer your food when eating.
Don't spit just anywhere, think about those around you.
Throw rubbish in its designated places.
9. Offer your seat to older or younger or female passenger if
none is available (but with a pure intention). Help them
to carry their things if need be.
10. Cover your face with a piece of cloth or a handkerchief if
you have to sleep in the bus.
11. When booking a hotel room, ask politely and observe all
the designated rules and regulations.
12. When eating at a restaurant, order the food politely and
be patient, the waiter is not a slave.
WHEN LISTENING TO LECTURES ETC
1. Sit calmly
- Don't rock the chair.
- Don't lean on the chair, especially in front of those
older or of a higher status than you.
- Sit humbly (don't be arrogant).
- Concentrate.
- Observe the speaker's mouth and listen attentively.
2. Examples of impolite behaviors/bad manners (in a
gathering or in front of others).
- cleaning your feet
- cleaning your ears
- rubbing/cleaning your eyes
- picking your nose
- blowing your nose
- passing wind
- spitting
- throwing cigarette ashes not in the designated place
- yawning widely
- burping loudly
- stretching your body
- arrogance (showing off)
EATING TOGETHER
1. Give preference to those older or of a higher status than
you to wash their hands before eating.
2. Hold the spoon with your right hand and the fork with
your left. Use a knife when cutting, hold it with your
right hand carefully.
3. Don't take except what is sufficient from the side dishes
and take from the one nearer to you.
4. Chew with your mouth closed and quietly.
5. Be careful as not to make clanging noises when using
the utensils.
5. Examples of impolite manners;
- drinking or sipping loudly
- burping loudly
- talking with the mouth full
HOLDING A CONVERSATION/DISCUSSION
1. Take into consideration four things when talking; the situation, time, place and with whom you are talking with. Consider too the person/persons going to be present (government officials? businessmen? political leaders? members of opposing political parties etc).
2. Consider the situation before answering or replying. It is impolite to interrupt a conversation.
3. Don't monopolize the discussion/conversation, this is a sign of a bad character.
4. Be quiet if you don't understand the matter/issue, unless if you are the host then it is upon you to pick an agenda to discuss with, it is improper for a host to keep quiet.
5. Don't talk about personal matters of others, especially about their secrets or private matters. It is also impolite to criticize or comment about the physical appearance of those present.
6. Don't talk about immoral or indecent subjects.
7. It is impolite to ask about a person's status or his salary or the price of his clothes etc.
8. If you have to use foreign words, make sure that you are using it and pronouncing it correctly. Don’t use it just for showing off, it will only degrade your dignity.
9. Be attentive when others are talking.
10. Be polite and diplomatic when expressing your disagreement or objection. Use words such as;
- "If I'm not mistaken…….."
- "In my opinion……………."
- "There are those who argued differently, which I think
is correct too……"
BEING A HOST
1. As a host, you ought to be;
- Gupuh (respectful)
- Saguh
- Lungguh (kind)
- Suguh (attentive)
Be cheerful, hospitable and polite. Remember that it is an obligation to honor and respect your guests, especially your close friends.
2. Ask about his health and what has he been doing etc.
3. Avoid asking questions such as;
- "Where are you going to sleep tonight?"
- "Where are you going after this?"
- "What is the purpose of your visit?"
4. When he ask to be excused/to return, express your
regret for the short encounter/visit.
Send him to the door and express your hope for his visit
in the future.
PROPER MANNERS WHEN VISITING
1. When introducing yourself;
- shake hands (when applicable)
- don't shake vigorously/forcefully and bow a little
when shaking the hands of those more senior or of a
higher status than you.
2. When congratulating others;
- express your happiness for his good fortune/success.
- congratulate him and pray for his happiness etc.
3. When visiting the family of the deceased;
- express your sadness/condolences.
- advise them to be patient etc.
4. When visiting the family of a newborn child;
- congratulate them for the newborn baby.
- pray for his success in this world and the Hereafter.
5. When visiting the sick;
- comfort him and give him hope for his recuperation.
- don't exaggerate about his condition/sickness.
- pray for his speedy recovery.
- don't stay too long unless if it is really necessary.
BEING A GUEST
1. If you feel that you are not welcomed, find an excuse and
leave quickly but politely. Don't show your
disappointment for the way you was treated.
2. Don’t do as you please if you are received warmly, even
when the host said something like "make yourself at
home" etc. It is his rights and obligation to honor a
guest and it is yours to honor his.
3. Don’t be nosy (wanting to know the affairs of others). Don’t try to flirt etc.
4. When visiting educational institutions/schools;
- ask for permission from the director or the
administrators or the teaching staff.
- don’t interfere or disturb with the running of the
school.
5. How to excuse oneself/bid farewell?
- express your sadness when asking to leave
- express your gratitude for his warm welcome and that
you are looking forward for his visit.
PROPER CONDUCTS IN A GATHERING
1. When attending a course;
- concentrate and pay attention.
- make note of what is deemed as important/necessary.
- if you want to ask, wait for the appropriate moment so
that you won't interfere with the running of the course.
- don’t be sleepy or sleep.
2. When watching a show/performance;
- there is no need to laugh uproariously, moreover to
scream and shout.
- suffice for you to just clap your hands in appreciation
if the performance/show is attractive or interesting.
- don’t jeer or condemn the show if it was a
disappointment. Be calm and polite, not rowdy or
unruly.
3. When attending a reception/celebration;
- sit at the place that has been designated for you.
- obey the rules or regulations that have been
determined by the committee or the guest's reception.
- sit calmly and patiently until the end.
4. When attending a meeting;
- remember that it is the truth that you are looking for,
not for a fight or to come out victorious.
- don’t be obstinate or argue harshly.
- if you want to give your opinion, speak diplomatically,
using words such as; "in my opinion………….so I leave
the matter to be decided by this meeting" and so on.
5. When hearing an address/a speech
- listen to the content of the speech attentively.
- don’t talk or whisper to the person next to you or to
those around you.
- don’t mock or make fun of the speaker.
EXAMPLES OF PROPER BEHAVIORS
How should we conduct ourselves if;
a. someone is sick or in a depressed state
b. someone in trouble or in difficulty
- be gentle and delicate.
- be sensitive to his plight, as if it is you who is being
affected by it.
c. towards hotel employees, waiters, sales assistants etc;
- remember that they are not your slaves.
- every person is entitled to the same rights and
privileges.
- every person hope to be appreciated and respected.
- the freedom of a person is bounded by the freedom of
another.
ETHICS OF BORROWING
1. Don’t lend to others things that you borrowed.
2. Return the borrowed thing still intact and in a good condition.
3. If lost or damaged, replace it and apologize.
4. The proper way to hand a knife or a pen to someone is by its handle or holder, not the other way around.
5. Don’t forget to thanked him.
CAN WE ENDEAVOR TO KNOW SOMEONE'S SECRETS?
1. Don’t ever search for or try to look for someone's
secrets/personal matters.
2. Don’t take the belonging of others without his permission, e.g;
- opening or reading his letters.
- opening or reading his books.
- look into his pockets or drawers etc.
3. In case of this boarding school, only the appointed
censor officer can open and read the contents of letters.
CORRESPONDING
Be careful when you want to write a letter. Writing is like a reflection of a person's thinking and soul.
1. If writing to a prominent person
- use specific terms for specific person/persons, e.g;
Your Excellency, Honorable etc.
2. Can we write to a girl?
- don’t even try, don’t play with fire because you are
bound to get burn!
3. When writing the name
- make sure that you don’t make a spelling mistake etc.
4. Content of the letter
- formal.
- short but with substance.
- straight to the point.
- arrange the words in an orderly manner.
5. Postage stamps
- paste it correctly, not slanted or upside down.
- paste it at the top of the right side of the envelope.
- don’t cover the whole envelope with stamps (if there
are a lot of stamps).
- buy the correct value of stamps that has been
determined by the Post Office for specific route and
weight.
6. Greeting and invitation cards
- for congratulating and wishing Eid or invitation for
weddings etc.
- examples of some abbreviations printed on greeting
cards;
p.f (pour feliciter) – abbreviation printed on
congratulation cards.
p.c (pour condoleance) – printed on cards expressing
condolences.
7. Replying a letter
Reply the letter in accordance with the mood of its content, if it is about good news, congratulations etc, reply the letter in the same manner and vice versa.
ADDITIONS
Examples of when to show gratitude or appreciation;
- when you were given something.
- when you were congratulated.
- when visited by someone.
- when you received an invitation.
- when helped by others.
- when borrowing things from someone or returning it.
- when you were offered something.
Examples of when to ask for forgiveness;
- when you cannot give your assistance.
- when you can only give a little help.
- when you did something impolite or disrespectful.
- when you are unable to receive guests.
- when you cannot fulfill an invitation.
It is also considered polite to apologize first before asking or reminding someone, e.g;
- "I'm sorry sir, but what is the time now?"
- "I'm sorry but I think………"
More importantly, apologize for any mistake or confusion that you may have caused.
EGOCENTRIC
Don’t be an egoist, only thinking about your own self-interests (selfish). Among the signs of an egocentric person is the 'me' or 'I' syndrome, e.g;
- "If it was up to me……"
- "If I…" etc.
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